i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
