batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
