If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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