Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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