I wish my penis had an off switch
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
how does that bad decision feel?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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