You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think your dad took our porno
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
