the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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