Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
