Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
