no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize