Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
