Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
