Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
