His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
