Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
