I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
