im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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