More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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