Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The beer is more important than you right now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
