I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
