i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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