I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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