yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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