Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
