the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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