i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
