Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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