Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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