I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
