I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
