Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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