I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
