Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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