I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
