my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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