I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
