Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
