Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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