A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize