this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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