im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
