I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
