Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will be naked everywhere
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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