She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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