Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
