I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
