She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
