Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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