if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
