just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
