Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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