return my video game
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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