So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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