My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
