Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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