She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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