Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like eating out sand paper
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
