i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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