thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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