I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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