you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
