Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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